Overcoming Fear Through Fear Inoculation: My Journey with Public Speaking and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Fear can feel like a vice grip, especially when it’s tied to childhood scars. For me, it gripped tightest in public speaking and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) tournaments. Public speaking brought back the sting of being bullied as a kid, while BJJ stirred a need to prove I wasn’t worthless. Through fear inoculation—facing fears in small, deliberate steps—I turned these fears into strengths. Here’s how I did it, from lobbying at public hearings to coaching others, and how you can break free too.
The Roots of My Fear
I grew up an easy target. My parents were outcasts, practicing a religion tied to Egyptian history, separate from the Mormon church they sent us kids to. We were painfully poor—tattered clothes, empty fridge. In 4th grade, I gave a speech on Egyptian history, a topic my dad loved. I was proud, but the kids tore me down: “No one should listen to you. Your parents are poor and do bad things.” From then on, speaking up felt like exposing my family to attack. That fear followed me, and in BJJ, it morphed into a need to prove myself—to silence those childhood voices saying I was worthless.
Public Speaking: From Trembling to Triumph
My fear of public speaking wasn’t just stage fright; it was dread of judgment. Yet, I dove into lobbying, speaking at public hearings to assembly members about causes I believed in. I was terrified—my voice shook, my body trembled, and opponents attacked my stance. But I survived. Each hearing, shaky as I was, proved I could get through it. Still, I knew if I wanted to coach others to shed life’s labels, I needed to speak without fear.
Fear inoculation became my tool:
Step 1: Lobbying as Exposure Those hearings were my first real test. Facing assembly members and hostile opponents was raw, unfiltered exposure. I didn’t feel ready, but I spoke anyway, calibrating my delivery each time despite the shakes.
Step 2: Speaking Class I joined a public speaking class to refine my skills. I had to deliver impromptu speeches to a small group, often with little prep. My talks were sloppy, far from perfect, but the feedback from peers was gold. Each session made me more comfortable, like conditioning for a fight. I learned to see the audience as allies, not bullies.
Step 3: Coaching with Confidence As a coach, I now speak to groups about overcoming limitations. The fear isn’t gone, but it’s manageable. I’ve calibrated my voice to carry conviction, not tremble. Every talk builds on those early, messy steps.
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: Proving vs. Growing
BJJ was my other battleground. I started training to prove myself—to the bullies, to the world. That “win at all costs” mindset pushed me early on. I’d refuse to tap in dangerous submissions, escaping through sheer grit. It built mental fortitude, but the pressure to never lose was crippling. I’d lie awake thinking, “If I lose, will it prove them right? Am I worthless?” My performances suffered—tense, overthinking, not flowing.
Fear inoculation helped me shift from proving to growing:
Step 1: Technical Rolls I focused on slow, controlled rolls at the gym, emphasizing technique over victory. I’d “lose” in practice to feel the stakes-free outcome. It was about learning, not ego.
Step 2: Filmed Matches I started filming every match, win or lose, and reviewed them with my coach. We’d break down mistakes, adjust my game, and calibrate. The camera was my feedback loop, like the speaking class peer reviews. It made losses less personal—they were data.
Step 3: Tournaments with Balance In regional tournaments, I competed with a new mindset. I still wanted to win—BJJ demands that fire—but I didn’t let loss define me. When I lost after dozens of wins, it wasn’t devastating. I reviewed the tape, adjusted, and kept going. Calibration was everything.
The Power of Calibration
Both public speaking and BJJ taught me that growth is about calibration. In speaking, sloppy speeches and opponent attacks were feedback, not failure. In BJJ, every filmed match, win or lose, was a chance to tweak my approach. You can’t let losing be “okay” in competition—you’re there to win—but you can’t let it break you either. Fear inoculation helped me balance that edge, reducing anxiety (studies suggest up to 60%) by facing fears incrementally.
How You Can Start
Got a fear chaining you down? Try this:
Name It: Is it speaking, competing, or something else?
Start Small: Face a low-stakes version, like practicing alone or with a trusted group.
Calibrate: Seek feedback—film yourself, ask for critiques, adjust.
Keep Going: Setbacks are data. Use them to grow.
Public speaking let me honor that 4th-grader who deserved to be heard. BJJ showed me I’m more than the labels others gave me. Fear isn’t a cage—it’s a chance to calibrate. What fear will you tackle? Share below—I’d love to hear.
